This week we had a feedback session with Simon and the rest of the group, in which, we were given some valuable advice. The document at the bottom of this page was a list of the areas we will all target to ensure this documentary is in a good place for next Tuesday so we can have more important feedback from Simon.
FEEDBACK
Introduction:
Include a shot of you doing some training, disappointment at the end of the introduction sequence.
Diary Room 1:
Archival footage cutaways, photos etc could be really useful to give some context to what Alex is saying.
What’s To Come:
Audio out of sync?
Abbi Pulling/Fitness Sequence Transition:
Cut the netball related stuff. Really wanna focus on the stamina related question more so than her own story.
Bring in the bed of music before the cut to the following gym sequence, and change the music!
Fitness Sequence:
So much better now without the whole actuality piece within the gym itself.
That’s kinda got two endings, putting the weights down feels like an ending and then he’s back on the leg extension machine.
Diary Room 2:
We really wanna see pictures of Alex and his Dad, old pictures scanned in and ken burns ‘effected’.
Slowly break the end of this sequence into the sequence Alex’s Dad sequence.
Alex’s Dad Sequence:
Music needs to change.
“Should be good fun, looking forward to it” can be cut.
Stings:
Vignette added(?), strengthened etc. We NEED to differentiate it from the background shot.
Introduction to Jamie Interview:
“I’ve been put in contact with a racing driver, etc.” can be cut, all we wanna know is motorsport is expensive and we’re going to talk to someone about it.
Jamie Interview:
Cutaways during Jamie interview could use the audio from the racing clips, much lower volume but noticeable.
“It’s all about money now” can be cut entirely.
“For your situation…” starts to answer the question again, worth cutting - says the same thing twice.
Kickstarter Explanation:
VFX potential for describing what the challenges are.
The white text after the close up of Alex at the desk is a bit boring, got a more interesting shot?
Racing License Sequence:
V/O during silence about license - might be good to explain exactly what it is that you’re doing here. Don’t be too wordy.
A really great example of what it is to make a film, considering how long it was initially, it’s looking really tight now.
Bruno Introduction (assuming it doesn’t get cut completely):
Music obviously needs to change, make sure it ends appropriately rather than just fading out abruptly.
Boring, drags on far too long.
RL sequence is interesting and exciting, then the Bruno sequence is just “boring” I don’t think anyone is going to ask why you’ve got a helmet/suit etc.
Diary Room 3:
Ideally, we wanna see cutaways here to Bruno and other material “Going around the world” etc.
Equipment In Post:
Looks good, no reason for the lower third at the bottom at the beginning again after previously showing it during RL sequence.
Kickstarter progress bar could go in during the Kickstarter reveal moment.
Dan Robottom Interview:
Need some music during the V/O introduction.
The earlier sting can be moved up to before the V/O introduction to this interview.
“This sequence could be put into any kinda top gear style magazine etc, works really well.”
Cross dissolve transition doesn’t work to What I’ve Done sequence.
What I’ve Done Montage:
Simon is not sure about the music.
Donington Track Day:
“So today’s the day” needs to change as this isn’t the race day - set up Sam in this re-recording as well but don’t repeat yourself.
The second part of PTC with Sam about brakes isn’t needed though it is nice context, though this will limit the trackside footage in the sequence of course.
“See you soon” etc can be cut, between the last driving shot and the waving shot.
South Downs Sequence/Race Day Transition:
There should be something to bleed these sequences together.
Race Day Sequence:
Could cut flashbacks to previous moments of the doc to the beats of the heart in the car.
Change the second caption to be slightly more accurate.
“Looking forward to it.” can be cut.
“Sorry Alex, we can’t race.” should be just after the end, before the diary room sequence/ending sequence.”
Give us a bit of a breather before we hear Alex talk during the end PTC, so start with footage from previous parts in the doc and then bring it into the interview afterwards.
The chase continues
Really unique piece of work and it's got so much potential.
How we are tackling this advice and what was edited this week:
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