Part of the reason for my stress as a contributor is down to being involved as a director in the same project. I would be lying if I said that I have not struggled with the amount of work needed to complete a project of this magnitude. Part of this is down to not looking at the bigger picture: "Any project or task can seem overwhelming when looked at as a whole. It's critical to break it down into milestones or steps that can be easily attained. When you look at these individual steps, you can more readily meet goals and feel a sense of accomplishment." (Forbes, 2017). A way in which I can definitely improve is to forget about my other duties when I am acting as the contributor on shoot dates. I have got a lot better at not being the director on the day, but a lot of thoughts still linger at the back of my mind as I worry about what else we need to do before we have the whole story in front of us. This quote allows me to assess myself and realise that there is no need to worry about the project as a whole, especially when being a contributor. As a director, I must focus on each individual shoot date as it comes. In doing so it will allow the story to come together in a much more natural way. I know that I have improved in all of the areas I spoke about at the start of this unit, but the further I distance myself from the creation of the project when I am in front of the camera, the better the overall product will be. Therefore, I am determined to continue improving myself in this regard as I know I can still do better. It's a tough time because of the amount of work we still need to complete, but I must not let that affect my "on-screen performance".
Undoubtedly some of the pressure I am feeling is down to some disagreements we have had as a team throughout this project. I feel this is part of the creative journey and an important outcome is that we all seem to be taking things less personally, which is a big positive in our creative workflow. However, some disagreements have meant long conversations and a build up in anxiety, and this is something I wish to alleviate in the final few weeks of being a contributor. "Refuse to engage in arguments or other disagreements with your colleagues. Keep busy to enable your thoughts to remain positive and focused. We all get sucked into drama periodically. But, if you are getting really wound up, stop and think what you feel the final resolution should be. Stop, breathe, take a step back, and then proceed with a clear mind." (business2community, 2015). I know conversations are important in progressing the project and we have made a lot of fantastic decisions as a team because of them. My only issue is that sometimes we get sucked into long conversations that lead nowhere. I know this is not necessary as we can be very clear with our intentions when needed. Going forward I want to ensure that we all retain a level head when in these conversations and ensure that at all times we are speaking about the project and its progression. On a small number of occasions, we have ended up losing the topic of conversation which has led to a few hours of wasted editing or planning time. While conversations are typically to the point, I think we should all ensure, especially in these final few weeks, that when we have group conversations all the key messages are discussed in a professional way and decisions are taken. We cannot afford to be wasting time with unnecessarily long conversations and I think a few small tweaks to our conversations will ensure this is the case. We can be very productive as a team and we need to ensure that this happens 100% of the time instead of 95%, then we will be in a great place come the end of filming.
Many people have spoken about pressure being a motivator in the research material I have found. This has actually been the case for me in past projects, but I feel that I am currently pressuring myself to ensure I do not let all of us down. There is potential, however, to turn this into a positive by remaining diligent with my work and keeping it to the highest quality.“I actually find that I do my best work when under pressure. I enjoy undertaking challenging assignments and finding creative solutions. One time I had two projects that were due the same week. Instead of stressing out, I created a detailed schedule that allowed me to complete both assignments on time.” (livecareer.com, 2019) I can see this working for me in the closing stages of "Dream Chaser" as it has been a benefit to me in the past. I possibly need to change my perception of the challenges we face in this project and allow myself to turn that into a positive by working even harder. If I work even harder before I am in front of the camera then I will need to worry less about the project as I will know I have done all I can. I feel the problem I have is that I never feel like I have done something well. I always look for flaws in my work which becomes a vicious cycle of never feeling like I have done my best, leading to me putting more pressure on myself. Sadly, I think this is a personality trait I have but 'always looking for better' is a good motto to have. Realising I did all I could in the moment would, however, allow some stress relief. "When you see the pressure as a challenge, you are stimulated to give the attention and energy needed to make your best effort, to practice, build "challenge thinking" into your daily life: It's not just a project; it's an opportunity to see if you can make it your best project ever." (inc.com, 2015) For now, I will use the pressure on me to continue creating my best work before shoot dates. I hope that, when I am racing or testing a car, I will forget about the project and enjoy it as well as focusing on being a contributor. I don't feel the stress has shown in the film so far, so I am dedicated to not letting it happen before we wrap filming!
As shown, a lot of this pressure comes from within and that is because I have a vision of how great I know this project can be and I want to ensure I have done all I can to make it happen. However, there is certainly a portion of me that could allow myself some time to gather my thoughts and relax. I feel like I have not had a day off since starting this unit and that could actually be a negative if it were to continue. "Belief in a successful outcome can prevent you from worry that can drain and distract your working memory," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry explain. "Anxiety and fear are stripped from the equation, allowing you to act with confidence." (inc.com, 2015). I definitely need to allow myself some time away from this project as it currently feels like my only ambition in life. While I feel my dedication to this project is unrivalled, I am probably giving myself too much grief over how filming has gone. I have picked up on small issues that can be easily fixed but for some reason, I feel drawn to them and it has affected how I feel in this project. Once again, it is self-imposed pressure to make everything perfect. But being honest, it's a documentary, it will never be perfect. Part of what makes documentaries amazing is the fact we are going into the unknown and we do not know what we will find. I certainly need to distance myself from small issues and allow myself some slack over anything out of my control. I honestly think doing this will put me in a better place mentally as we approach the race day. I am sure this will be what we need to ensure a successful end, as otherwise I may always look back on this as something I could have done better. I am dedicated to this issue and it is one I have been trying to improve, but one I have struggled with due to how connected I am to this project.
I come away from this research knowing that pressure is a part of creating a project you truly believe in. If I train myself to ensure I am always motivated by it then I will end up with a better result for the whole team. "The hardest part of working under pressure is coping with the perception of pressure. More often than not, we worry about some imaginary catastrophe that never happens, and that tends to render us powerless. Focus on one aspect of the task at a time, instead of looking at it in its totality." (Forbes, 2017). I have had a methodical approach to this unit and I feel I have adapted well under pressure to continue to bring out the best in myself. A lot of the stress comes "behind the scenes" when I am alone and I reflect on the micro-details of my work. I sometimes take my own thoughts too far and it has led me to worry more than I need about the project outcome. "The more you find yourself being pushed to the wall, the better you become at pushing back. It's a natural human tendency! The more you push back, the more your energy expands. When that happens, your horizons broaden and your perception changes dramatically. Working under pressure seems like a challenge too tempting to resist." (Forbes, 2017. I need to learn not to put myself through unnecessary pressure whilst still striving to finish the unit. There is a fine line I need to walk to ensure I am in the right place mentally as we continue with this project. This research has allowed me to realise that a few small tweaks to my workflow will allow me to see the brighter side of creating this documentary and not zone in on the negatives every time. This should allow me to focus on the real issues and continue to work at my best to achieve the final outcome. An exciting few weeks are ahead as I get myself prepared mentally for my first motor race. I need to allow myself to enjoy this experience as it is a dream, one I have been chasing for the majority of my life. It would be a shame to spoil that because I am worried about a camera location or a crew member. This documentary is about achieving a dream and its meaning, and I will not allow that story to be lost.
References
Forbes, 2017 https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2017/07/28/18-ways-to-get-better-at-working-under-pressure/#3d385f662e35
business2community, 2015 https://www.business2community.com/human-resources/10-ways-to-show-your-ability-to-handle-pressure-at-work-01316198
livecareer.com, 2019 https://www.livecareer.com/interview/questions/how-do-you-work-under-pressure
inc.com, 2015 https://www.inc.com/business-insider/13-secrets-to-performing-well-under-pressure.html
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