Early Stages
My first task was to allow my original plans to take place in script form. After feedback in September from my tutors, I started the scripting process in October. A first draft was available in late October which had started to show how I thought the documentary should look. It was not finished at this stage but it allowed me to understand how I should approach this part of my job.
The early stages showed me that this was a time-consuming process, allowing me to understand that this process is not one I complete in a matter of days. This was going to take up a considerable effort between September and December and would have many updates.
The early script is located below and you can understand the lack of a full story, but one that is coming together. Over the coming weeks, I would finish the first full version of the script which I gave to my tutor to receive some feedback on.
Version 1 of DREAM CHASER
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K8GKzZflLz3_GMmuZQH6jhbW8hASZMAl-dcjFENER2Y/edit?usp=sharing
First Full Drafts
The next weeks allowed me to finish a full version of the draft and show my tutor for the first time. The feedback was invaluable and helped me change the story. Here are the first full drafts of the script and below you can see what feedback was received.
SCRIPT V3 - DREAM CHASER
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cMJI4V7xCzImdFr0SjS-NR00N3WYbXso5UqY6i1R04I/edit?usp=sharing
The first notes were that my contributors lacked interest. I included multiple interviews but they did not allow the viewer to connect themselves to my story. Simon suggested I include someone who has a story of the struggle to achieve their dreams. Billy Monger allowed nothing to get in the way of his dreams of Formula 1 after losing both of his legs in a motor race in 2017. He fought back to achieve multiple podiums in British F3 in 2018. Billy would be an incredible contributor and add both personality and depth to the storyline of "Following your dreams". After we had discussed this, Billy was added to my documentary script, meaning we can get in contact with him in early 2019 and arrange an interview for our project.
I had also received feedback to remove the mechanical features of my film. These were the sequences that lacked connection. These were the scenes speaking about money to race, fitness and driving pressures. These were to be covered in long interview sequences and I was advised to remove them to enable the viewer to connect to the subject matter more. In removing then I still needed to show us going through the process, as they were vital steps which needed to be shown when speaking about motorsport.
I decided to include the sections in an Edgar Wright style montage where they were all shown within the space of 20-30 seconds. This would then show we have gone about the process of being a racing driver while making it more entertaining as a viewer.
After version 3 I was told that we need to have a better sense of the obstacles placed between myself and finishing my dreams. Most of these were now included in the montage sequence that was trying to make the documentary more interesting. This meant that I was supposed to bring back these sequences that I had originally planned, but show them in a much more interesting way. You will see in my newer versions of the script that I chose to put my original sequences back in, but instead of doing standard interviews, have scenes where I talk to the contributor about a subject why we are doing something. This enables these sequences to be less staged and allow it to feel more natural.
I was asked to dig deeper in my Diary Room sequences as in Version 3 we still lacked a real knowledge of how much this sport means to me. After understanding this feedback I started adapting these sequences and made them much more personal. I allowed the questions that were being asked to dig into my history and determine why I had not done this sooner.
I was told to remove the sections which gave the viewer a behind the scenes look at how the documentary was being made. These sequences did not add anything to the documentary and confused the viewer as to what we were trying to show. These sequences meant the documentary gave off the impression that this was a “HOW TO DO MOTORSPORT” documentary and that is not what we are after. After realising this, I changed these scenes and adapted them into sequences where I am being questioned by the producer, which suited our tone throughout.
More Emotions and Depth
Script version 6 allowed the story to dig deeper into my feelings toward this subject, meaning the story was starting to have more heart. This allowed for a much improved emotional connection between myself as the face on the screen and the viewer. Below is Version 6, which has notes below it showing what feedback was sent after this latest version.
SCRIPT V6 - DREAM CHASER
Version 6 was a big step in the right direction as it allowed the viewer to start connecting to myself on a level much deeper than the original scripts. There was still feedback which I took onboard to allow the script to form into the creation I knew it could be.
The documentary script version 6 still made me out to be the presenter. This was mostly down to the phrasing of scenes which gave the impression that I was speaking directly at the camera, rather than speaking off camera. As can be evidenced in my early research, it was decided early on that I was not creating a documentary where I spoke right to the camera. This meant that the tone needed to be correct so that could be understood when reading the script. After receiving this feedback it allowed me to back through the script and properly word each scene, so it limited the use of phrases often said by a presenter. I was also using a lot of voice over which gives the impression that I am a presenter, rather than a contributor. Being a contributor also meant interview segments would become tricky if they were staged. This meant interview sequences would be seen more like actuality sequences which meant they were less staged. These changes can be evidenced in my further scripts which saw the phrasing improve vastly, showing the viewer I was a contributor, rather than a presenter.
Other feedback included further increasing the sense of jeopardy. I had been told to remove these sequences originally, but including sequences such as the fitness were important when showing jeopardy. More emphasis needed to be shown on the importance of passing these tests, which would allow the story to have more tension. These changes can be seen in the later scripts as much emphasis is put on passing each segment (Money, Fitness and Race license) so that the viewer is always left on the edge of their seat. This also helps further connect the viewer to me as a contributor meaning the emotions shown after the final race have meaning.
There was also too much emphasis on the past and not enough on the present. A lot of the documentary was spent looking back in time through my Diary Room sequences. I decided to change this soon after, giving more focus to the current events and future as that would allow the viewer to see what I am like now, rather than constantly looking backwards. These changes in the later scripts meant that we could follow my life and what makes me as a person. An example of a scene which has been added after this feedback is one where I visit the south downs in Sussex and talk about why walking here allows me to clear my mind. Little moments where my personality can be shown will allow deeper meaning and connection between us and the viewers.
Major Progression
Version 9 was one of the last versions of the project, with only subtle tweaks being made after it’s creation. I had been taking onboard all of the advice from the previous drafts which allowed me to create a story which invests the viewer in my story and it’s significance. By this stage my Father was also now a significant part of my project which made the documentary a lot more personal, giving the viewer a further outlook on the importance of this race. My Father being apart of the documentary allowed everything that is said and done to have meaning, meaning the documentary would definitely evoke emotions in those watching. Below is version 9 and the notes made after it’s the completion.
SCRIPT V9 - DREAM CHASER
The wording in some scenes needed to be changed to make sure that I was definitely seen as a contributor rather than a presenter. It was only subtle differences but these made a big impact on how each scene would be viewed.
I was advised to include a list early on of the challenges I would face in this documentary as it would allow the viewer to fully understand everything I would be going through. This list would not be done as a voiceover, rather as a team meeting between myself and the rest of the crew. I was sure not to make this scene seem similar to ones we had been told to remove earlier (The creation of the documentary), but rather a conversation between crew as to what I would need to accomplish.
I also made the point of why I am following the mantra of “Chasing your dreams”. It was vaguely discussed in the documentary, but not much time was spent on allowing myself as the contributor to explain why I am doing this. Why I am attempting this challenge was address in the final version of the script which allowed the viewer to have all the details as the documentary progressed. This subtle tweak allowed the viewer to question themselves as to why they had not achieved their dreams.
At this point, the script was nearly done, but it needed some fine-tuning to make sure that it read properly and that all sequences had a similar tone that the viewer can relate too throughout.
The Final Script
The script was finished on December the 9th which the end of a 3-month scripting process. The final script included a small number of changes from Version 9. The inclusion of time lengths of each scene was present, which did highlight the issue of our documentary currently being 24 minutes long. This issue will be talked about in my Pre-Production evaluation.
This final script also had updated shot types for each scene and I included transitions from scene to scene to ensure the documentary was not jumping from scene to scene. The natural flow that the documentary now has is thanks to the changes in these transitions.
The final voiceover was also adapted to ensure the documentary was not left with the feeling of being a multi-episode series. My original voiceover left doubt as to if there would be a second or third part. This was changed to question the viewer if they can go and achieve their dreams.
The context was now given throughout, allowing the viewer to immerse themselves in the story, which meant the emotional connection was always there. There was a consistent sense of jeopardy in the fitness/license/financial scenes now which meant the end goal had a deeper meaning.
The emotional connection throughout can be seen by the various encounters with other contributors through the documentary. The subtle change to how these are filmed allowed them to dig deeper and ensure I was not seen as a presenter, rather a contributor who is on a journey.
The final script can be seen below. I am very proud of it and I have enjoyed the process. This experience has allowed me to become a more proficient writer who understands the importance of scripts, even in a documentary which has little-staged scenes. This script will be taken forward and be used by Cailan to adapt to storyboards. This is only the start of the process, but the complete script has enabled this journey to hit second gear.
SCRIPT V11 09.12.2018 - DREAM CHASER
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